7 Tips to Beginning Your Elder Care Journey

Written By Renegade Organizing
 

Hi, I’m Aimee. I am a native Texan that escaped Texas after college because I wanted to live in the mountains. Fast-forward a few years, careers, and life adventures and I find myself back in Texas. To my disappointment, there are still no mountains, but thankfully there is good BBQ.

A few years ago, my sister and I realized that Mom and Dad were slowing down. Health and life changes were easier navigated with an additional helping hand. Since I had fewer things tying me to a geographic area, I was the one to move back and take on a supporting role. Now my parents and I are navigating our new normal.

I am not the only Gen Xer that is helping support their Elder parents. Many of my fellow Gen Xers are in the same boat, but with the additional responsibilities of spouses, children, and homes. It’s a perfect storm of emotions and events, leaving us with so many questions, wondering how to navigate it.

Certain challenges were definitely expected, however, others were not. If I could talk to my earlier self, I would tell her the following things:

1. You’re a book dragon with the heart of a scientist. You always turn to books and research to answer your questions. Here are 3 books that you will find immediately helpful:

  • Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. Dr. Gawande will help you have a conversation with your parents about what is important in their lives. If you had to make emergency medical decisions for them you will be guided by these conversations.

  • How to Say it to Seniors by David Solie. Mr. Solie will help you understand the developmental stage of all the Elders in your life, not just your parents. Rapid changes can also make your loved one feel like they’re losing control. This book will give you communication tools to help them regain control.

  • Learning to Speak Alzheimer's by Joane Koenig Coste. Ms. Coste will show you how communication techniques with Alzheimer’s patients can also be applied with your own Elders. Specifically, you will be introduced to the magic of “entering into their world” and how to de-escalate situations involving frustration and fear.

2. You will become the family’s IT guru. It doesn’t matter that you’re not an expert. You’ll use Google and YouTube to solve most of your problems. Record log in info (using pen & paper or paid apps such as 1Password) so you can access all family electronics and troubleshoot. 

Know the passwords to cell phones, tablets, laptops, emails, Apple IDs, and Netflix. Remember that dual authentication is common now, so you’ll need access to the cell phone AND email WHILE you are troubleshooting. Yes, this is frustrating and will involve cursing.

3. You will be constantly evaluating your Elder’s environments for safety risks. Realize that there is an emotional weight to worrying about slips/trips/falls. Inexpensive solutions can help ease some of that mental burden. Here are some easy things you can do immediately:

  • Add night lights (auto on and motion sensor) anywhere you move around at night help reduce the risk of falls.

  • LED strip lights are easily installed and perfect for dark closets and desks. (<$20)

  • Grab bars will help transitions from sitting on the couch to standing. Different models are needed for if the couch cushion is removable or fixed, and if the couch

  • Grabbers will help your Elders (and you) grab out of reach items such as the lost sock behind the dryer, the orchid in the corner window, and the spice jar in the back of the top shelf.

  • A shower chair will eliminate the need to stand and balance on a slick surface. (~$75)

  • Install a splitter on the shower head that allows the user to choose between the hand-held shower wand and the main shower head. (~$50)

  • Random kitchen tools such as a J hook and an electric can opener will help open cans with tabs that require pinching, twisting, and grabbing. Older hands and arthritis can makeese motions difficult.


These are the slightly more expensive, moderately harder things that will you will need to research and work up to implementing:

  • Install ramps at each exterior door to help navigate the 3” step up into the house

  • Repaint the house number on the curb so it’s clearly visible and install lights by the front door so the house numbers are visible at night.

  • Keypad access that allows for neighbors/EMS to enter the house in an emergency. The keypad should run on batteries so they function in a power outage.

  • Install pull out drawers in the lower kitchen and bathroom cabinets. Instead of having to bend down and reach blindly into the back of a cabinet, the user can pull out the drawer, see the needed item and reach down to grab it.


4. The dog is a butthead and likes to escape occasionally. Skip the drama, buy an Apple Air Tag and attach it to her collar with an Air Tag Holder. The next time she decides to pull a Houdini you’ll be able to immediately find her. 

While we’re talking about tracking, it will be helpful for each adult in the family to track each other. iPhones ‘location sharing’ and apps such as Life360 will help you do that. This will let your parents know when you’re stuck at work and you’ll know they got sidetracked at the local Farmer’s Market and didn’t crash their car into a ditch.

5. Mom & Dad have already completed their critical documents (Will, POA medical/financial/etc, & HIPAA). Review these documents so you know what to do in an emergency. Place originals in a fire/water proof bag for evacuation and keep copies in a secure location.

Take a step beyond this and identify the yearly bills (insurance for car, house, property, etc.), twice yearly, and monthly (utilities). Know the provider, account information, name on the account, and how it is paid (auto pay via credit card, etc.). In an emergency you will not have to scramble to find out how to keep the lights on.

6. Since you enjoy cooking you will be doing a lot of it. Meal prep by planning a weekly menu based around items you already have. List the menu on a magnetic dry erase board posted on the fridge. This reduces the stress of hearing “What’s for dinner?” and the cost of groceries because you aren’t buying unnecessary items.

7. You exist beyond your new role as caregiver. Do your best to go to the gym and do things outside the house. Sometimes you’ll be too tired to make this happen. Give yourself grace when you can’t, this is hard.

 
Renegade Organizing